Dreams

After a handful of decision-changes, I've finally decided I'm going to write the CAT next year. I arrived at this decision not after pondering long and hard, but by pure instinct. Fine, that sounds fragile. But even when I put instinct aside and analyze this decision with reason, I'm convinced this is what I should do.

Firstly, I'm sick and tired of this place. I had a lot of expectations when I came here two years ago, after clearing JEE. I thought that a JEE insti would be comparable to IIT, and that I'll have a wonderful four years. But those dreams were shattered when I saw the reality, in chronological order:

• drab location; a culture shock for me, having grown up around the national capital.
• infrastructure in disarray: playgrounds with bushes growing inside (which have been taken care of, finally), awful roads, many dilapidated buildings (our departmental building is spanking new, thankfully), etc.
  
• two people shoved into rooms meant for single occupancy; no space to move, no storage space; used to feel as if we're in a prison (it's only in third year that we've got better, livable rooms)
• not to mention the frequent power cuts and the round-the-clock voltage problem
• omnipresence of politics
• co-currics that lack participation, primarily because they're whimsically organized (mainly politics is involved here)
• majority of people from villages and small towns of UP and Bihar, so absence of any English speakers; most people look like they study in a paathshaala or something; another culture shock for me... I don't know how I live with these people, let alone connect with them.
• comatose administration

Basically, if you look at this place, you feel sorry for not having studied harder for JEE. The campus has more of outsiders roaming around, it doesn't compare with the size of IIT's, there isn't even a proper boundary wall. The campus simply merges with the village surrounding it. I'm sick and tired of this place. This is unfair. I want something I deserve. And I want it as soon as possible.

Secondly, I'm sick and tired of being the bottom few of my class. Fine, we're all of the same calibre, but this is just not done. I used to be kind of an enigma back in school. I want that back. Badly.

Thirdly, there is this thing about my love. She wants me to be there among the best. She wants to see me succeed. She says she has faith in me, and that I will do it. I have every reason to honour that faith. And I shall.

Come to think of it, being a petroleum engineer would mean very little job flexibility. Postings in remote areas, odd working hours, et al. And since I will have to settle down someday, I think I'd give myself a better chance at accomplishing that without much pain.

This is it. I'm ready to get going.